Understanding your feelings

Realising, especially if you’ve had no choice about entering the job market, your emotions can sweep you off track.

If you know what emotions you will be facing, then you can use them to your advantage. You might think talking about emotions is a “sloppy” thing to do.
You’re tough, things like this don’t bother you.
Oh yes they do! 

Anyway, it’s only happening to you, no-one else, and no-one knows how you feel and you can’t tell them because that would be admitting frailty.  The truth is, we all know, we all go through the same thing, we are all human beings, we all have the same set of inbuilt responses. In the simplest of terms, we go through a “roller coaster” of :

D enial
A nger
D epression
A cceptance

Once we realise this we can channel the emotions to help us or, at least, not hinder us.

Denial is our defence mechanism.
“That can’t be happening to me, it isn’t true, I don’t believe it”.
Denial slows us down, it gets in the way, it stops us from taking action, it puts us in doubt about what we should do and whether it’s worth it.
We might be getting worried and upset about nothing.

That’s very true. People have reacted to rumour and half truths, by doing so have ended up in a worse position than they would otherwise have found themselves.
On the other hand, it might just be a good idea to make some plans for that “rainy day”.

Anger is usually associated with a “red mist”. Lashing out blindly, causing damage to things and people around you, in the process damaging yourself, alienating friends and contacts who might otherwise prove to be useful at a later date. It’s the “fight or flight” syndrome kicking in. The adrenaline flows. Channel the energy into the fight, decide, “no-one’s going to put me down”. Think through your options and make a decision. Write it down, put it to one side and think about it at a later date. Planning in cold fury might not be the best thing to do but at least it’s a plan which can be adapted, changed substantially or completely scrapped as unworkable when you have calmed down.

Depression is the pits. “What am I going to do now? I can’t see a way out of this. Why does it always happen to me?”
Depression is sitting thinking that things will only get worse, they can’t get better. Well, they won’t, if you don’t do anything about it. Get busy, go out and see what’s happening in the big world. Don’t sit thinking the world will beat a path to your door, it won’t. You need to be out there, talking to people, experiencing new things.
Make yourself busy, don’t give yourself time to sit and mope.

Acceptance is when you realise, “It’s no big thing. There’s a lot of things out there, some of them better than before. I just need to find them”.
Now you need to make a plan, no matter how rough, so long as there is one. Write it down. Put it somewhere you can see it, better still where your family can see it. Keep it up to date, cross things off as you get them done, that gives you a sense of achievement. Add things on so there is always a challenge to aim at.

Realise you will have good days and bad days. Sometimes you’ll feel you’re taking two steps forward and one back. You’ll go through these emotions time and time again, but now you know how to deal with them.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *